Fire Meets Fate
by RewindedMiracle
Summary: The truth of Rhenys Lavellan's past is starting to unravel. Once she finds herself among unfamiliar people, one of her new companions helps her remember who she truly is. He holds the key to her past, while the other lays the foundations for her future. Rated M for content. AU. Yes, there's a love triangle.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**_ _Everything written in this first chapter is written with the assumption that the reader has played all the way through Dragon Age Inquisition. Or at least know spoilers. If not, don't read this. I decided to give my Lavellan a twist that I think fits better for her story with Solas. This will lead all the way through Trespasser and beyond. I will not rehash canon events. If they must be done, I'll do a time skip through it. This is AU through and through. Canon events might not even happen, but we'll see. Thank you, Saga, for betaing. Reviews are amazing, constructive criticism is welcomed, and well… enjoy the story._

 _Fire Meets Fate_

Like gravity from underneath

We can't outrun our destiny

"Fire Meets Fate" by Ruelle

Within the woods of the Planasene Forest, a Dreamer settled against the trunk of an ancient tree. The forest breathed around her as her stark blonde hair glistened in the beams of sunlight poking through the leaves. Soft grass welcomed her, inviting a sleep she hadn't felt in a long time. Every muscle relaxed when she slipped into the Fade. Low murmurs echoed through around her. Whispers of a former life, whispers of the future, and promises of the present.

They were memories. Not memories of the forest. Memories of another life.

 _She tilted her head back, embracing the breeze and the smell of the library around her. Her fingers grazed the spines and her eyes fluttered open to look at the vastness around her. She listened to the small chatter emanating from the others there reading and enjoying the company of their fellow elvhen._

 _Magic flowed through the halls. Usually it was a calm wave, like a gentle ocean stretching against sand banks. "Enjoying yourself?" A soft voice asked. She always did enjoy listening to him talk. The velvet tone, the inflection, the precision in his word choice._

" _Now I am." She turned to look at her new companion. His features were blurred but she knew his voice anywhere. She dreamt of it. She missed it during her waking hours even without realizing it. Forever plagued with a longing memory of something she couldn't have. "You should not have come here."_

" _They could not stop me from seeing you."_

 _Home was in his arms. She grabbed his hands and led him from the others' sights. A soft nudge against her jawline; a small smile broke through his lips as they pressed against hers. The spirits turned away._

 _She blinked to focus and he disappeared._

No, she wanted that memory back. She wanted to see what happened next. She wanted to remember what it felt like to have him near, what it felt like to be there, what it felt like to be who she was in that exact moment.

Remember, she told herself. Remember. She never did. The scent of honey and lavender filled her senses. The world around her began to grow louder. Birds chirped in the trees. Hallas ran in the distance, their hooves thunderous against the dirt. Laughter. Musical laughter floated through the trees. A fire crackled.

Banal nadas. Nothing is inevitable.

She didn't want to go there. She didn't want to see. It was the last thing they said before she fell. Before they killed the one who loved them all.

 _A flash of light broke through the dream. A group of elvhen stood over a broken, beaten body. "What have you done?" She yelled. Black figures turned towards her. Red eyes glared and her rage warred with the magic hurled her way._

 _A finger condemned their actions. She was cast out, venerated and reviled. Agent of Fen'Harel. No. She was worse. Behind every rebellion was rage._

 _Pure rage._

 _Dirthara-ma, vhenan._

Rhenys Lavellan woke with a start. She rubbed her chest, feeling the rapid beating of her heart. Tension built in her temples and she pulled herself to her feet. Her clan would not wait long. The tips of the masts of the aravels moved through the forest. The sails looked blood red against the green.

Deshanna would be waiting. Rhenys secured her staff on her back and headed off to meet with the others. They were moving again, this time putting distance between themselves and Kirkwall. As First, she advised the Keeper to leave the area once the Qunari attacked Kirkwall. Their trading with the merchants there would surely be halted during the city's recovery. It wasn't until the increase of Templars nearing their clan's borders that the Keeper relented and uprooted them.

"Keeper!" She called, trotting next up next to Deshanna Istimaethoriel. The older elvhen woman smiled at her. Her white hair was plaited down her back. Her vallaslin honored Mythal in bright blue. Rhenys wore a simple version that honored Ghilan'nain. She lifted her hand and hovered it over her heart as she bowed her head in greeting to the older woman.

"About time you joined us," Istimaethoriel said. "We were about to leave you behind, da'len." The corners of her lips curved upwards to match the light tone lacing her voice. The Keeper was often stern with her First, but Rhenys knew they were different from the typical relationship that came with their roles. The mage couldn't remember her parents, couldn't remember anything from before she joined Clan Lavellan, but she knew Istimaethoriel as more than a Keeper. She was as close to a mother as Rhenys was ever going to get.

"Wouldn't want that," Rhenys replied and reached out for the pack the Keeper was carrying. "Let me have that." She extended her hand out, flexing her fingers to punctuate her intention.

"You already have your own."

"What's one more?" She smiled at her before whistling for a halla. She mounted the snowy creature and whispered softly, praying to her honored God for a safe journey to wherever their clan moved next.

Life went on, as it always did. Clan Lavellan managed to avoid Kirkwall but even they did not miss the flash of light in the sky. Most Dalish clans kept to themselves but those among the Lavellans could not help but feel sympathy to those within the cursed city. Rhenys wanted to help but the majority of the clan wanted to get as far from Kirkwall as they could. Ostwick, they suggested, or Wycome.

The decision wasn't officially made until they came across retreating mages who ran from their Circle of Magi. Rhenys wanted to offer help but they were too far gone. They resorted to blood magic to successfully flee the city. The elf was of the mindset that magic was magic, no matter what it was called. But once they summoned demons, her soul split in two. The hunters protected her, despite the screams that tore through her mouth. Dreamers were never meant to be near demons.

Sweat beaded down her brow before her eyes rolled into the back of her head. She didn't feel the ground as she fell and found herself back in the Fade. More memories. More dreams.

 _She grabbed onto him, and shook him. "Wake up!" She yelled over and over again until he granted her wish. His lips parted in a breathless surprise._

 _She had broken out of her prison to find him. She had gathered her own following to help him stop the others from ruining their world. "Why did you do this?" She asked him. "You cannot leave me behind! Not again!"_

 _A wolf howled in the wind._

It was then Rhenys knew she needed to speak of her dreams. "I cannot tell them apart from reality," she admitted to Istimaethoriel. "I know Dreamer's rarely exist anymore. The People haven't had many since Elvhenan, but I do not know if I'm in the Fade or in someone else's dream."

"What do you mean, da'len?" Istimaethoriel asked. She reached out and gripped onto the mage's slumping shoulders.

"They feel more like memories."

The Keeper withdrew her hand and Rhenys placed her own where Istimaethoriel's had been, missing the comfort of the gesture. Her brown eyes met with the older woman's icy blues. "I knew this day would come," she whispered. "I thought I would be prepared, but I am not."

"What do you mean, Keeper?" She moved closer to the older elf. She knelt down in front of her as Istimaethoriel took her face in her hands.

"I was a young girl when I first set eyes upon you," she said. "My Keeper came upon you in a ruin while you were deep in Uthenera. You did not wake until I became Keeper. Unlike the legends, you did not remember who you were. Wherever you were in the Beyond took something from you, and it may now be giving it back."

Rhenys' body trembled at the admission. Her throat turned dry, unknowing of what she should say… what she _could_ say. A tear rolled down her cheek as the truth settled in and she mourned what she had once lost and still could not remember. "What happened then?" She asked, voice wavering.

"We treated you like any of our young ones. When it was discovered that you were a mage, I knew you were meant to be my First. Mythal led my clan to you. For what reason, I do not know. You grew older with us, came into the person you may have been before." The Keeper swallowed hard and moved hair out of Rhenys's face. "You woke for a reason, da'len. Whatever you may need to put you back on the path you were meant for, we will help you."

Rhenys pulled Istimaethoriel into a hug. "I cannot repay you enough for helping me." She rested her head on the Keeper's shoulder, and wondered what manner of being was waking up inside of her.

 _He rested against his staff as he used it for support, to stabilize him from falling over. Every muscle, every bone ached. Too long, he thought. It had been too long. His eyes could not adjust to the light as his mind raced over the memories of his time in the Fade. Everything he saw pass during his slumber was played before his eyes._

 _"Too weak," he whispered, but to who?_

 _Someone answered the call. He felt one watching. He beckoned them to join him, to listen, to dream._

 _"It is your turn to wake up," he said._

Rhenys' eyes snapped open. The world around them was crumbling. The humans they traded with again told them as much. The Divine of their Chantry planned to hold a meeting to stop the brewing war. More of the shemlen's Circles had fallen during Clan Lavellan's travels. The merchants were surprised that they didn't know; hadn't run into any of the warring factions.

"The Gods have been kind enough to spare us," was Istimaethoriel's response. A shudder rolled down her spine, frowning when she should have agreed. "But we cannot avoid what's happening in the world."

"What would you have me do?"

"Go to this Conclave," she said. "Let us know the real danger and if anything can be done."

"You would trust me with this?"

"I would trust you with anything."

* * *

It was not possible.

Solas didn't know what he expected when he joined the Inquisition. He didn't even know if it was a good idea, but he found himself among their ranks and the Seeker welcoming his help. Especially once the other elf came through the Breach.

"Help her," Cassandra said. "We must know what happened."

He agreed, though he would not have if he had known who the prisoner was. Seeker Pentaghast led him to the prison they were keeping the survivor in. Solas was beginning to suspect that his help was only suggested because they were both elves, but as he stepped down into the prison, and saw the body on the floor, he wanted to run.

Every fiber of his being ripped into tiny shreds. He wanted to run to her. He wanted to collapse with… grief? Rage? Happiness? The guards' eyes were on his back. Solas kept his face neutral as he knelt beside her. _How can you be here?_ He silently asked. He placed a hand on her forehead. Heat rippled through the perspiration along her skin. His fingertips were on fire, but not from her fever. The fire burning within him was from longing he hadn't felt since they were torn apart.

He wanted to scream, seeing the markings on her face. What had been done to her? Why did she allow it? He reminded himself that he could not fall apart. She would need him when she woke. When she remembered.

He cast his eyes down to the mark on her hand. She was having trouble adjusting to the mark his orb branded on her. A heavy sigh escaped him despite himself. It was not meant for her. He did not know if it would kill her, but he would do his best to make sure she woke up.

It took five days before her eyes opened. Solas was sorry to know that he hadn't been there when it happened. He didn't see her until she arrived with Cassandra and he grabbed her hand to use the mark to close the rift to seal the demons away. Pain riddled her face, her breathing ragged. Dreamer, he remembered. It hurt her to be near demons.

Fate was not kind to her. It never was.

Introductions were made and he leaned against his staff as she turned to him. His eyes met hers and he saw no recognition. _What have they done to you?_ He wanted to ask. "My name is Solas," he said slowly, "if there are to be introductions, and you are?"

"Rhenys," she replied with a forced smile. He saw through her faux friendliness. He saw the sharpness in her eyes as she watched the others. As she watched him.

 _That is not your name._

She spoke with Varric and Cassandra before the Seeker decided that they would continue to march on to the forward camp. "Rhenys," he called softly. "A word?"

She nodded and turned to him as they followed behind the other two. "Yes?"

 _See me_. "I…" he didn't know what to say. "I will inform the Seeker that this magic was not something you could've done. The Breach is not your fault."

"I appreciate that, Solas, but we don't know if that's true or not, do we?" She turned her head, blonde hair flowing in the wind where her braid had come undone. He knew. He knew it wasn't true. He had a million more question and wondered if there were as many answers.

"I suppose not."

* * *

She couldn't keep her eyes off of him. What was an elf doing here amongst these people? Then again, the same could've been asked of her. Cassandra asked what happened in the temple. She couldn't remember. Even with the vision and the dark shadow pointing at her, she couldn't remember.

At least the Seeker no longer suspected that she was guilty. It helped that the mark on her hand was able to stabilize what they called the Breach. Gods preserve her, what would the clan think?

Rhenys glanced down at the glowing green mark on her hand. She rubbed the soft spot of her palm just underneath it. She had never felt anything like it before. It was like she was holding a hot iron and she couldn't let go.

She craned her neck to look up to the top spire of the chantry before her. She had never been inside of one and she didn't want to break the streak now. Rhenys winced, knowing that Cassandra was waiting inside for her and the Seeker's lack of patience wouldn't help her in the end. She had just won their trust; did she want to lose it now?

Why did she care?

The elf sucked in a deep breath and went through the doors of the chantry, listening to the echoing angry words of the little shemlen who wanted her thrown in shackles again. Luckily, Cassandra wouldn't concede to his demands. The other three in the room seemed glad that Roderick stormed out after the Seeker slammed down the writ in front of him.

The red-haired spy, Leliana, stood next to the Inquisition's commander. He stood tall, proud. His curly blonde hair sat neatly on his head and the scar on his upper lip seemed more prominent as he smiled. She didn't recognize the other woman, who's brown skin was as rich as her hair. She introduced herself as Josephine. Rhenys had never seen humans who were kind without expecting to trade with her.

A map was laid out on the giant table they encircled. The other four talked about their plans, and which path would be best to follow. "I'll meet with this Mother Giselle," she agreed. "I don't know how much help I will be but if there's something to be done, I will stay."

"Really?" Cassandra's flat tone told her enough. She expected her to run.

Rhenys's lips pressed thin. "On one condition," she admitted, "I want to send word to my clan outside of Wycome. I'm sure they would be glad to hear that I'm alive."

"We will get it done" Leliana promised.

"We'll leave in an hour," Cassandra said. "The Hinterlands are a few days away. The earlier we leave the better. I will gather Varric and Solas for the journey." She left without another word. Josephine and Leliana left together, leaving her alone with Cullen.

"I apologize for the brashness I had in our first meeting," he began. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I had seen too much death that day and-"

"And you didn't know if I was innocent or not," she finished for him. He nodded, a sheepish look developed on his face and she took it as a genuine apology. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I would've done the same."

"I appreciate the candor, Herald."

She winced at the title. "Please," she said. "You can call me Rhenys. I would prefer it. I'm not a herald to a woman I don't believe in." He nodded again, understanding that she wanted nothing to do with being called the Herald of Andraste. It was ridiculous, if anyone asked her, but they weren't. They would do what humans always did. They would believe and do what they want.

She turned to walk away and he spoke again, "Please tell me if anyone troubles you." She glanced at him, eyebrow raised. "Some here aren't friendly to elves, and I'd rather them not give you a hard time."

"I… appreciate it, but I can handle words." They both knew it might be more than that. She bit her lower lip. "I will. Thank you, Commander."

"It's Cullen."

"Thank you, Cullen."

She turned away again to and left the chantry, grateful that he didn't see the blush growing along her cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:**_ _Behind the scenes and the in betweens. Reviews/Comments/Criticism/Kudos are welcomed! This chapter went unbetaed. If I missed something, please feel free to let me know. Thank you to those who have put this on their favorites and who have followed the story. ALSO, I had uploaded and deleted this because I noticed things were out of order after posting. I had to fix some of the scenes. I'm sorry it's a late update. Finals happened. x.x_

 _Fire Meets Fate_

Rhenys hated the title Herald of Andraste but it seemed there were others who hated it more. Despite Mother Giselle's kindness, the soldiers without loyalty to the newly founded Inquisition sneered at the sight of the elf with a vibrant green mark on her hand. They warmed up to her and her companions once she started to help out the refugees who sought shelter from the war.

There was something so familiar about the fear, something dreadful hung in the air and laid thick enough to be suffocating. The village of Haven was almost a welcomed sight. She would've preferred to see her clans aravels, but she now had a duty she couldn't abandon. Her dreams quieted near the breach but she was sure it was because of the splitting headaches that plagued her around rifts.

Yelling echoed down the village gates from the front of the Chantry. "Maker help us," Cassandra groaned as they saw the Templars and mages who joined the cause argue, and blame the other side for the Divine's death. Rhenys didn't hear what Cullen yelled at them but she was close enough to hear a Templar say, "We will not follow this false herald. Andraste would not send a knife ear to save us all!"

Rhenys spun on her heels and marched away, not ready to face humans just yet. Cassandra called after her but she heard Varric tell her, "Seeker, let her go."

She rushed past the gates ago and headed to the wooded area. The quiet was calming and gave her enough space to clear the throbbing pain from her mind. She found herself retreating to the abandoned cabin where she found the previous healers notes she had given to Adan. She had a few moments of solitude before a soft knock at the door.

Solas pushed the door open. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, Lavellan. Cullen and Cassandra thought it would be best if I would be the one to speak with you."

A short, bitter laugh escaped her. "Because you're an elf?"

"Does it make it easier?" He countered. Rhenys supposed it did. Finding herself among so many shemlens was foreign to her. "May I come in?"

"There isn't anything stopping you, Solas."

She watched as he entered, and closed the door softly behind him. "Did you often interact with humans while you were with your clan?" He asked, keeping enough distance between them.

"We traded with humans often enough that I suppose they didn't feel the need to call us that," she replied. "Though I'm sure there are worse names."

"Are you alright?"

"I will endure it."

He moved closer. "Is there something else bothering you, Rhenys?" There was something in the way he said her name that made her feel like it didn't belong to her.

"It's the demons that come through the rifts," she admitted. "You are a Dreamer, aren't you?" He nodded in response. "How do you deal with the pain?" She patted the spot next to her, offering him to sit with her. He hesitated but eventually relented.

"Some are more sensitive to their presence than others," he whispered. "If you'd like, I could help alleviate some of the pain with a spell." It was her turn to nod, inviting whatever magic he could offer.

He hovered his hands over her temples. The warmth of his magic and the soft blue light dissipated the pain. A sigh of relief pushed past her lips. She opened her mouth to speak before memories came back to her.

" _You must learn to control it, vhenan. If you allow the pain to weigh any heavier, I fear it will swallow you whole." His voice was enough to make her forget about the searing heat stabbing her temples._

" _It's hard to concentrate," she admitted. "My magic is only potent when I'm unable to control my feelings. The Evanuris…"_

" _Never mind about them," he told her. Soft but firm fingers gripped her chin. He turned her face to look at him._

"Rhenys?"

 _They believed in him the way they would never believe in her. Save us, they begged, and he did. There were routes through the Eluvians that those seeking him out could find, but once the Evanuris had given her and her brothers their new names, they too wore them as badges of pride. Rage, they called her. Malice._

 _She looked out at the horizon, standing at a temple where those seeking asylum first walked through. They decorated the halls, telling their stories. "I have to go," she told him._

 _He frowned as he watched her. "Where?"_

" _They search for the Well of Sorrows and the last part of Mythal will be erased."_

" _The Sentinels will stop them."_

" _They won't be enough."_

"Anaris?"

Rhenys blinked back the tears. She knew the name. It was somewhere buried deep inside of her, clawing through her soul but ultimately forgotten during her long sleep. She would've never known if Keeper Deshanna didn't tell her. How could she share such a thing with someone? Solas was an elf, but he already stated that he didn't identify with the Dalish. They were not his people. She was not. "What did you call me?"

Solas looked away. "It is nothing," he said, "You just remind me of someone I knew a long time ago." He pulled his hands away as his soft features fell back into his stoic neutrality. "I've kept your company long enough. Whenever you are ready, the others will follow to Val Royeaux."

Rhenys said nothing until he opened the door to leave. "Solas?" He paused and looked over his shoulder. "Thank you."

"You are most welcome."

She only took a few more moments to herself before she followed his footsteps, still deeply set in the snow. The wind whipped through the air, causing stray blonde hairs to wisp around her temples. She turned towards the scarred sky. She would mend it. There was a reason she woke up. There was a reason she was placed on the path she was on. She just needed to find it.

* * *

"I don't think it's advisable," Cullen argued across the war table. "The mages are not our only option." Rhenys' stomach rolled at the idea of more Templars. It wasn't that she didn't trust the commander's judgement, it was because she only heard horror stories of his former order. She knew as a mage in her own clan, they avoided Templars at all cost.

"Power is needed to open The Breach, Cullen, not to suppress it," Leliana countered and Cassandra agreed.

The commander looked to Josephine for aid but she fell alongside the others. Rhenys' eyes met with Cullen's. "Is this your opinion as well?" He asked.

"Without taking into account that I am a mage as well," she started, "I would defer to the judgement of those who formed the Inquisition, but if I'm forced to vocalize my thoughts, I think exploring both options is best." Cassandra opened her mouth. Rhenys lifted a hand to stop her. "I know what you're thinking Cassandra and it's correct." Her looked at Cullen again. "The mages are the only ones who reached out to us. We received a very public rejection from the Templars. We need help quick. The prudent thing would be is to reach out to Fiona's people."

The words didn't feel like her own. They were the words of a diplomat, someone skilled at negotiating, planning… Those were not the words of someone who spent their life inside the forests. "If that's what you believe is best," Cullen conceded. "We will support you."

"Since we are in agreement, it is time to prepare. We should leave as soon as possible, Herald," Cassandra said, "a small party will be enough until we know what we're dealing with. I will inform the others."

"Leliana?" Rhenys waited until the Spymaster's attention was hers. "I don't suppose you would be able to send word to my clan? I'm sure news of what happened has reached them and I don't want them to fear the worst."

Leliana nodded. "I will send agents at once, perhaps with some gifts to show good faith?"

"I think that's an excellent idea."

Leliana and Josephine took their leave. Rhenys briefly glanced at Cullen as she wondered what made him relent so easily. She almost asked him, but felt the tips of her ears burn. She turned away before he could notice until he quietly said her name, "Lavellan?"

She turned towards him. "Yes, Cullen?"

"Please take Cassandra with you." His words were slow, as if he was carefully choosing them, letting them mull over in hopes they didn't carry the weight of what he really wanted to say. Rhenys bit her lower lip and nodded. "I would feel much better."

"Alright," she agreed. She turned to leave, but hesitated. There was more she wanted to say. Mythal, help her. She brought up a hand and rubbed at her temples. With memories of her life before she slept resurfacing, she wondered why she couldn't remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Guilt plagued her, and she could sense a familiar feeling radiating off of Cullen.

"Is everything alright?" Concern laced his voice. It was thoughtful, really. Sweet. It made him so very human and it reminded her of home. Other Dalish clans were not like hers. _Except you're not Dalish._

Rhenys turned back to him and leaned against the war table. "What do you know of the old elves?" She asked. Fear was a growing wave inside of her stomach.

"Not much." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, and winced slightly at his admittance. "I would think Solas would be more familiar with their history, if you are not."

"Why? Because we're elves?"

Cullen sputtered. "I didn't mean-"

The corners of her mouth twitched in amusement. "I know," she teased before she inhaled deeply. Rhenys pinched the bridge of her nose and glanced around to make sure that they were alone. "My past is beginning to resurface." She should've kept it to herself but the trust in his eyes reassured that her words were safe with him. "If something happens, please don't think ill of me."

"I…"

"You don't have to say anything, Cullen. I just needed to get that out before I left for the Hinterlands again." She knew her heart laid with someone in her memories, who's face she couldn't make out in the haze, but she couldn't deny the warmth that spread through her in the commander's presence. What would her keeper say? She offered a soft smile before she joined her party by the gates.

"I have your things, Herald," Cassandra began as she patted the hart holding her belongings. Rhenys was grateful the Inquisition was able to acquire the beautiful mount. It helped knowing that a part of her people was among them.

"Thank you," she said, "but please, you don't have to call me Herald when it's just us."

Varric's laugh announced his presence as he and Solas joined them. "I think she'd shit her pants before that happens," the dwarf laughed as Cassandra spit out a disgusted noise.

"I hope you're looking forward to this trip," Solas said with a slight smile. "The Child of the Stone is sure to provide entertainment."

Rhenys leaned her head back, releasing a throaty laugh. "If Cassandra doesn't kill him first."

* * *

Cassandra and Leliana pressed for their Herald to go to the rebel mages to get them to help seal the Breach. Solas could see in Rhenys' eyes that she wanted to help, to hope that their well fought freedom might mean something to her too. If she only knew…

Rhenys turned to him. "What do you think of all of this?" It reminded him of a time long ago. He reminded himself not to dwell on it. He already slipped once. He couldn't afford to be so careless again.

"I think it's best to seek their help," he advised her. "They're the only ones who truly have enough power to seal the Breach. I fear if you seek the help of the Templar Order, their power might nullify your inherent gifts. It's not just the mark to consider in this situation."

She nodded, conveying her thanks with a soft look and even softer smile. There was a quiet part of her soul that remembered, that fed her memories like pieces of a puzzle for her mind to assemble on its own. Forcing the process would break her. He couldn't. He owed her that much.

If he had known she still lived, maybe then she could've unlocked the orb.

"The name you called me," she began, her voice barely above a whisper. "What was it?"

"Anaris," he said, and she nodded.

"I know I'm not a Dalish elf," she told him, opening up in a way that he hadn't expected. "As I know that you are no regular elf." Her eyes narrowed at him. "Some part of me recognizes you, some part of my soul recognizes that our magic is the same. I thought it was because we are both Dreamers, but I know now it's because before I slept, I knew you, didn't I?"

Solas glanced around. It was only the two of them after Cassandra and Varric already retired to their tents. The quiet of the night was only disturbed by their voices. "You did," he replied softly. He had never been able to lie to her.

"Was Anaris my name?"

"More like a taunt you wore as a badge of honor," he replied. He moved closer to her and knelt down where she sat. "What else do you remember?"

"Nothing," she said, frowning. "I can't remember what happened between leaving Clan Lavellan and waking up in the prison cell." She pushed some hairs out of her face. "Whoever I was in the Elvhenan, I am not her now."

The crack in his heart widened. He glanced down, unable to meet her eyes to keep her from seeing emotions warring in his eyes. "Perhaps I can help recover your full memories," he offered.

"I don't think it will matter," she told him. "I was happy with who I was until my Keeper broke her silence. Now I wonder why I slept in the first place. What had I hoped to see when I woke? Chaos? War?" She wrinkled her nose. Her toes dug into the cold dirt. Ferelden's cold was unforgiving compared to the warm ocean breeze, or the sunlight breaking through the trees. "I miss the forest."

Pity would be the last thing she wanted, Solas knew. It was so far and few between that he came across another elf like him. A true elf. The woman before him was a shell of what she used to be. Part of him wanted to force her old memories back to the surface so he wouldn't be alone in his journey, but it was cruel.

"If there's anything you wish of me, Lavellan, you need only ask."

* * *

Cullen watched the Herald leave. _Lavellan_ , he reminded himself. _No. Rhenys_. He should've told her that the recruit who called her such a shameful name was no longer within their ranks. He should've told her… well, he probably should've told her a lot of things but even he realized he didn't possess the skill of impeccable timing. He clenched his jaw and looked down at the wart table, two weeks to the Hinterlands if they didn't stop. He estimated their return in a little over a month. Any moment longer, he was sure that he would look for them himself.

He left the room, only to find Leliana waiting outside for him. "If I didn't know any better, Commander," she started with a coy smile, "I would say that you have some interest in the Herald of Andraste."

Cullen was taken back. His lips parted to begin his protest but his words were lost to the wind. He narrowed his eyes at the Spymaster as he listened to her light laughter. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Leliana," he said lightly, perhaps to lightly, but it was enough to feign a rather forced indifference.

"Solona would've wanted you to be happy." Her voice lowered when she spoke about the Hero of Fereldan. Cullen could see the longing in his friend's eyes. He couldn't imagine what is was like to be that far from someone you loved.

 _Blue eyes settled on him. He'd seen them before. Black hair framed her face. Her lips moved but he couldn't hear her words. "Demon," he whispered, hands clasped in front of him. His shield thickened, warding away those who came to torture him. It was with his last ounce of faith that he would make his last stand._

 _Desire. Pride. Sloth. Terror. They whirled around him in a dervish that would send even the Maker running. Prayers left his lips. They were inaudible over the screams he could still hear. He was blind, except for the images of his mentors being cut down one by one, images of his friends turning against each other as demonic play things, and of his charges turning into those Maker forsaken creatures._

 _"Cullen."_

 _She broke through. Oh Andraste help him. They wore her face. They always wore her face. "If this is my last moments, show me your true face. It is too cruel to wear hers."_

 _A tear, perhaps a tear for him, slid down her cheeks. "I'm real," she told him. Of course, he thought to himself, demons couldn't cry._

 _Cullen broke down in the stares of her companions. Leliana, the one who would become King of Fereldan, and Wynne. So, the old mage had survived. "Dear boy," Wynne whispered as she knelt beside him. Warmth covered his skin and he recoiled._

 _"Do not touch me!" He yelled. "Keep that foul magic away!"_

He begged Solona to kill those she called friends, those she called family, because in that moment he believed no mage could have escaped Uldred's influence. When she refused, he cursed her name. He blamed her for everything that happened. His brothers, the other knights, their blood was on her hands for starting a little revolution the moment she tried to help Jowan, the blood mage, escape.

"I wasn't kind the last time I saw her," he reminded her. Leliana was there after all. "I do not deserve her well wishes."

"She grants them anyways," Leliana replied as quickly as he had. "I know you are not the same man as you were when you were locked away." Kindness settled on the Sister's face. "If it's forgiveness you seek, perhaps the next step is letting yourself become open with another again."

"I hardly know her, Leliana."

"I hardly knew my Amell before I loved her."

Cullen wouldn't call the warmth blooming inside of him love. He had no idea what it was. Inexperience would be his downfall, he was sure of it. "Rhenys spoke of remembering parts of her past," he told her. "Perhaps her clan can shed some light on what troubles her? That way we can better help her when she returns."

Leliana nodded. "I will send word with the scouts who visit," she said. "Get some rest, Cullen. The others will be back before you know it."

He knew she meant well as she walked away, but he didn't have the time to entertain the idea of rest. New recruits made their way to Haven every day with each deed Lavellan accomplished. Maybe it was admiration that he felt. His eyes drifted over to Haven's gates, knowing she was long gone. Whatever it was, he knew he had never felt it before.


End file.
